maggie

nothing could have really prepared us for today. we had to say good-bye to our first 'baby', maggie. she was almost 14 years old so we knew that this day was coming soon and had discussed it off and on over the past few years with the kids. but it was (and is) still really, really hard.

the kids went downstairs to let her out into the back yard when we got home this afternoon and madelyn came back up to tell me that maggie couldn't stand up. of course my heart stopped a little as i tried to gauge exactly what she meant - imagining that she wouldn't wake up. madelyn explained that maggie had stepped a few feet, fallen down and couldn't get back up.

she was laying on the ground perfectly still, with legs every which way. i was just heart broken. my only comfort was that she wasn't crying or struggling. madelyn was already crying and i was trying to assess the situation and determine what to do next. so of course i called my mommy.

she rationally explained that if maggie couldn't get outside to go to the bathroom, things were going to get a lot worse before they would get better. she was right. so after petting maggie for a while and trying to help her stand (with no success), i called matt to come home. there was no way that i could carry maggie with four hungry children (it was dinner time) to the vet. by this time i was sobbing too. i was trying to control myself for the kids, but maggie and i had a lot of history and this was so sudden. she had been fine this morning and would still run around. to see her splayed out on the ground almost unable to lift her head was just heartbreaking.

we all pet her and said our good-byes before matt took her to the vet for the last time. madelyn mentioned that she hated that there was sin and suffering in the world.

madelyn took it the hardest (sobbing pretty much until she fell asleep) and manning was having a difficult time understanding ("is maggie home yet?") - he loved her very much. the other boys were sad, but not emotional about her loss.

our house will not be the same. we won't be running out to get another dog any time soon (the idea of taking a puppy out all night is not very appealing at the moment, nor is the idea of having to say good-bye again), but maybe one day.

love.