mean girl?

friday i took madelyn (and the boys) to visit another preschool and since we were already out and it was lunch time, i took them to chick-fil-a for some lunch and playtime.  we ate our lunch and madelyn was excited to see that there were lots of other kids to play with this time.

she had brought in three little mermaids that she got for christmas from her uncle derek (they go almost everywhere with her).  i was so proud of her because she was very willingly sharing them with a little girl and a little boy she was playing with inside the play set. 

i was visiting with some other moms about places to go for indoor fun, local preschools, moms' groups, etc. and only stepped out to change mason's diaper.  otherwise i was in the play area the entire time.

as we were getting ready to leave the restaurant i overheard two moms talking - the loud kind of talking that you do hoping to be overheard.  one was saying, "see she's leaving.  it's okay to go back and play.  she's leaving right now, see?"  and the other said something along the lines of, "of course she is scared.  she was traumatized."  (the child was not saying anything.)

i wish that i had turned back to see if they were talking about madelyn.  i assumed that they were since we were the ones leaving and one of them said, "see she's going out the door right now.  she's leaving." as i was trying to usher my three out the door to get into the car.  if mason hadn't been trying to escape in a hundred different directions i might have taken the time to go back.

i was so upset to think that they might have been talking about madelyn and as soon as we were outside i started questioning her about what had happened.  she was genuinely surprised that i asked her if she was mean to anyone.  here is most of our conversation:

me: madelyn, were you mean to anyone?

madelyn: no, mom.  who said i was mean?

me: some mommies were saying that someone was mean and i thought that they were talking about you.

madelyn: which mommies?

me: i don't know, but some of the ladies in there were talking about someone being mean.

madelyn: i wasn't mean mommy.

me: i believe you.  did you see someone else being mean?

madelyn: i don't remember. (pause) i just can't remember things sometimes.

me: that's okay.  i believe you didn't do anything mean.

after 5 minutes or so of loading and driving:

madelyn: mommy, i really wasn't a mean girl.

me: i know, madelyn.  i believe you.  they might have made a mistake about who was mean.

i think that madelyn was genuinely upset about the situation and i really did/do believe that she was not mean to anyone (when madelyn is mean there is usually a lot of crying and yelling on her part - i would have known).  but it did seem like she knew something. 

after dinner matt and i assured her that she would not get into trouble but we needed to know what had happened.  after some gentle questioning we got some more of the story.  she even revealed more details this morning.  here is what she told us.  another girl (besides the one madelyn had been playing with) some how got the mermaid with the black hair and wouldn't give it back.  so the girl madelyn was playing with ("in the blue shirt" - coming down the slide behind madelyn in the picture) pushed the "mean girl" and took the mermaid back and gave it to madelyn.  the "mean girl" pushed the girl "in the blue shirt" too, but nobody cried.  madelyn was very certain that she didn't do any of the pushing and nobody cried.  we assured her that we believed her and were proud of her for not pushing.  then we explained that in the future she should come get mommy and daddy if she is having trouble getting a toy back from someone she doesn't know.  we also discussed bringing toys places was maybe not the best idea because not everyone was as nice of a sharer as she was (most of the time).  she agreed that leaving the toys in the car next time would be a better idea.

i am guessing that the moms knew that mermaids were involved and saw madelyn leaving with the mermaids.  they definitely didn't see what happened because i and the two moms i was talking to were the only adults inside the play area.  i still feel a little sick that someone thinks that madelyn "traumatized" their daughter, but i know and trust madelyn to know that she didn't.  love.