where to start...?

i have been thinking about this post for a while because i thought writing might be therapeutic. i have been writing a lot this week. mainly facts, because that has been what is needed from me. but as i sit here trying to write the words just aren't coming the way i want them to...

tuesday, april 22nd at 6:24pm i got THE call (after missing attempts for the past hour while my phone was on vibrate). the one you never want to receive. it was my brother josh who was crying. my first thought was that it was about one of my parents. i had screaming kids all around me so i had to peel them off and lock myself in my room to be able to hear him. wyatt. pool. not going to make it. my legs literally gave out. wyatt was found by my other brother, his dad, in their swimming pool. it was a tragic accident.

i think i was in shock from that moment until yesterday morning when i seem to have regained some sense of presence. my body may have been here cleaning up vomit and listening to endless crying of a chorus of sick boys, but my heart, mind and soul were, and are, in gainesville with my family. even looking at manning was difficult to do without crying - he is only 4 months older than his cousin. and as i researched everything looking for optimism, i spent a sleepless night pleading with God to "help me overcome my unbelief!" (mark 9:24). i have just been fighting my rational and practical side - my faith is stronger. my God is stronger.

i have also been praying to have peace with my selfish need to be there with them. it just happened that my driver's license expired on my birthday and i got a notice the friday before "the call". i was actually going to renew it that morning but didn't want to risk the boys throwing up in a public place and put it off. between the license and the germs i couldn't, and was asked not to, come. but my heart longs to hug my little brother. but it is for me, so i am trying to accept that i have to be selfless and stay where i am and wait. i have been trying to help with communication to the rest of the extended family and even within my own family. i know that brad and abby have so much love and support with them that they don't really need me the way that i need to be with them. we are going soon, but i must have patience.

this is wyatt from the last time we were in florida and i got to hold him, almost a year ago.

and here is the last picture sent to me by his mommy - from around january.

wyatt was dead and he is alive. my emotions are still so raw and i am having trouble finding my words. i find that i am having trouble forming complete thoughts or answering simple questions. but i have not once asked "why?" my eyes are firmly on Jesus and His ability to heal wyatt to complete health.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." john 16:33

all the scriptures i have read and been changed by over my lifetime are flooding to me as a comfort. my heart is breaking over and over each day but my hope has not been lost and my faith has not wavered. 

wyatt is fighting, he is baffling his doctors. they look at his case and expect one thing and then examine him and find the impossible. we are so encouraged by the miracles God is doing in this middle of this storm. and the testimonies of others have been so encouraging! my mom equates it to peter walking on the water, he started to sink when he looked back at the boat and took his eyes off of Jesus. she said that she has realized through this that if someone else had gotten out and walked with him, he might not have lost faith. she feels like the thousands of people praying and believing for a complete healing for wyatt have stepped out of the boat and are helping us to keep walking on the water in faith.

if you are touched by the miracle happening right now, you can follow wyatt's story at http://shift-church.com/wyattupdate/ and share prayers, scriptures and words of encouragement for the family on facebook by posting to the Zachritz Family Prayer Group.  there has also been a fund created to collect resources for the inevitable hospital bills they will be facing; here is the link if you feel inclined to donate: https://shift-church.ccbchurch.com/trx_submit.php?type=public_gift (designate "Zachritz Family" to give to them specifically).

God is good, He is good. all the time He is good. love.