tuesday tip - shopping with kids (2 of 4)

okay, bare with me, this is going to be a long one.

shopping with kids - at the store(s)

there are a lot of variables to consider when at a store that you have to plan for - are your kids hungry/sick/tired, public restrooms, other kids, toys on display, begging, touch-y strangers (think cheek pinching grandmas), etc. i mentioned "momentum" last week and "i spy" games in this previous tuesday tip that works great when waiting in line or just keeping them focused, but how do i logistically handle the store?

first, we set the expectations in the car. we discuss where we are going and what we are getting. sometimes (like when i need to run errands but i know that the kids aren't in the right frame of mind for it), i will mention a reward at the end (usually an unnamed "surprise"). we talk about behavior in the parking lot (holding hands and watching for cars that can't see little kids).

everyone walks - riding is typically for anyone who can't be a good listener (we treat the stoller the same way once they can walk fairly well). i very rarely do the 'specialty' cart. first, they can't hold all four kids. second, they seem like a petri dish for germs to me. third, they are extremely difficult to manuver and don't hold as many items as a regular cart. usually, the kids get to ride when i know that i am pushing close to a meltdown and need to move as fast as possible.

next, there is no browsing. i know what i want and where it is in each store. if i can't find it within a few minutes of getting to that section of the store, i will generally cut my losses and move on. i either will go back by myself or go on a day when that store is going to be our only stop.

let them 'help'. our littles help me find the next item on the list - like "who can find the orange juice first?" and as madelyn has started reading, she carries a pencil and the list to mark off the items we put in the cart. mason and maddux help me count the number we need of each. and we do lots of smelling the produce - just because it is fun. maddux also helps by carrying coupons. now i don't give him the ones i need because i don't want them to get lost or ripped, but he carries one that is expired or not getting used.

begging is not indulged - ever. we have had great success with asking if they brought money to buy the item they are begging for. when they say, "no," i say (in a sad voice/expression) "me either, maybe next time you can bring your money." if they can't move on i either walk away and hide/spy at them where they can't see me until they get it all out of their system and come along willingly or i say "let's see what else we can find. say "good-bye" to X". this phrase works almost everywhere for getting them past whatever they are looking at because they always want something 'new' to find.

whispering. we avoid many meltdowns by whispering in their ears. and not threats (well at least not frequently, but everyone has a bad day), but silly things or their warning phrase "so sad". it is amazing how quickly screaming will stop because they want to hear what you are saying. this also works when you are waiting in a slow moving line - you can just tell them a story in whisper and even ask them to whisper to you too.

be prepared to leave. don't stress yourselves out. there is very little that you really and truly need to buy on a certain day. yes, it would be easier to not have to come back, but they have to know that they have to behave too. it actually would work great in a grocery store because the consequence of them not behaving might mean that you weren't able to buy them the snack they are now asking for - that only has to happen one time in our house for the lesson to be learned.

what is your best 'peaceful shopping' tip?

love.